Three surefire ways to get a reaction from your wife

Earlier this week I made a post explaining why an article was delayed. I spent my evening chatting it up with a friend while smoking cigars and drinking rum. This time around I was frantically working on getting a cigar review posted on Stogie Review. Due to time constraints earlier in the week, I was forced to do my review last-minute.

With little time to formulate the review, I was left with no time to write a post for my personal blog. In addition, I’m suffering from a bit of writers block. So, if you have any topic suggestions, I’m all ears.

Anyway, I thought I would simply post something random this morning. I thought a little “Three surefire ways to get a reaction from your wife” would both be fun and educational.

Scenario 1:

Every morning before leaving for work I drink a glass or orange juice and take a multi-vitamin. In the event that I am running a little behind, my wife is kind enough to have both items waiting for me as I emerge from the bedroom, hastily dressed and ready to run out the door.

I would then thank her for the “OJ Juice” and my vitamin. The first time I said it she let it pass and didn’t say a word. The following day when I asked her if she would be so kind as to pour me a glass of “OJ Juice” she corrected me before doing so.

With a smile on her face she explained to me, like I was two years old, that it was either OJ or Orange Juice. I gave her a little “pfft, I know what this is called and it’s OJ Juice”. She let out a slight laugh and told me to call it whatever I wanted but I was wrong.

Of course I knew I was wrong, I just found it fun to say incorrectly. I continued to refer to my orange juice as “OJ Juice” for the next few weeks. I could tell it was slowly grated on her nerves, and in a playful way I got a kick out of it. One morning my effort paid off and she referred to my glass of orange juice as “OJ Juice”.

As soon as my wife realized what she said, she reached her breaking point. With a smile on her face she began yelling at me, at which point I fled the room laughing like a little boy as I went.

Scenario 2:

This one is an oldie, but a goodie. At some point during the weekend my wife usually sits down and makes out her grocery list for the week to come. After its completion she would generally hang it on the refrigerator just in case something random came up that needed to be added before she left for groceries.

In a bit of boyish fun, I used to add to the list as the weekend progressed. All of the items added to the list were legitimate, but worded improperly. One afternoon my wife picked up her list and headed off to the store. A short time after she left, I got a phone call from her asking me “What the hell is a jar of ‘A horse’s radish’?”.

After saying it aloud I think it dawned on her that I wanted her to pick up a jar or horseradish. While I had tears in my eyes from laughing, she was not nearly as amused.

Scenario 3:

One early morning, my wife was in the kitchen making coffee while I sat in the living room putting on my shoes. As I sat there getting ready to walk out the door and go to work, my wife began to sneeze. She had a bit of a cold and the result was a strange, high-pitched sound. In this particular case the sneeze was followed by another two in rapid succession.

I looked down and Syrus, who was watching me curiously, and said “Syrus, did you hear that? That was the call of the tard-bird, spring is in the air!”. What followed was yelling with a little laughter mixed in. In haste, I fled the room to safety with Syrus at my heels.

In Closing

Don’t think for one second that I am cruel for playing pranks on my wife, she certainly gets her fair share in as well. We have a very fun relationship that keeps us both smiling and laughing. I wouldn’t want it any other way.